Having grown up in DC and moved back here shortly before the pandemic, it struck me that I ought to attend a DC United game. Not that I know the first thing about plastic MLS, but it would be remiss of me to not even have a look at the hometown team before I leave for New York City in September. Plastic though the MLS might be, it reaches its nadir (apotheosis?) in NYC. There, you’re presented with a choice between the local branch of Piss Water AG and the Sheikh. It’s not even worth bothering. So I figured I’d go see MLS outside of the confines of those two skid marks on the toilet bowl of the beautiful game. And it just so happened that the eminently hateable shitbirds of RB were coming to town, so I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to rage against that particular machine.
The first thing I noticed upon arrival was how expensive everything was. Of course, I had tried to buy my tickets through the club—fair’s fair—but tickets started at $60. Meanwhile, on the secondary market, I could get into the fan section for $34. I went with the latter. Upon arrival I bought a scarf, both as a souvenir and to provide something to identify me with United in the fan section. It cost: $37. Then I went to get a beer. To be fair, they’re quite large, but a 24 oz. set me back another $15. Not exactly fan friendly.
I made it in to the somewhat unremarkable stadium just in time for kickoff. On my way in I passed a large group of supporters carrying drums, flags, and other paraphernalia out of the stadium. I found out later it had to do with a conflict over stadium bans for some of their members. Upon arrival in the stand—yes, a real, if small (~1,900 out of a total ~20,000) I witnessed an obnoxious but hardly surprisingly spotlight and firework display, before the referee mercifully blew his whistle to start the game. The commercialization was palpable and distracting, but this is the MLS and America, and by those standards it was possible to put up with. I didn’t see any corner kicks being sponsored, even if they did flash ads constantly on the jumbotron during open play.
I was worried about not being able to keep up with cheers in the fan section, but disappointingly, perhaps because of the aforementioned departure of key supporters, there wasn’t much atmosphere. The few chants they did muster were easy to get across, especially the “D.C. United! (Fuck you Red Bull!)” chants, which I heartily joined in on. But overall, even with the leaders missing, I found the atmosphere disappointing. A middle-aged gentlemen a few rows ahead tried his best, and I tried to help him, but we got little traction. Mostly there was no singing, and when it happened, it was halfhearted and never lasted.
The game wasn’t much to look at either. The officiating in the first half was subterranean, but despite missing several good to wide-open chances, United pulled ahead around the 35th minute with what would be the only goal of the game. It brought a little bit more life into the fan block: beers went flying (a lot of beer. DC fans like to throw their very expensive beers, I found out), smoke was popped, and the cheers were actually sustained over the course of several minutes. This wound up being the margin in what turned out was a rivalry game, and when the enemy of my enemy is my hometown team, I found it fairly easy to join in the post-match celebration (which featured an inordinate amount of people throwing their $14 beers, more than I have ever seen in Berlin).
Despite the lack of atmosphere, the fans around me were jovial, friendly, and open. I even found one guy in a Union jersey—I approached him with our standard “Und Niemals Vergessen!” to which he replied, “I don’t speak German!” When, hoping to recruit him, I asked if he was a Union fan, he said he “loved Gentner” before hurrying back to his seat. A bit frustrating not to have gotten to learn more, but I suppose he was in a hurry! I also saw a guy in the stands with a Paderborn hat—he agreed that firing Baumgart was a terrible idea…
Everyone around me was easy to get along with, and I wound up chatting to a guy who was at one time president of Screaming Eagles, one of the main supporters’ groups. He invited me to the next home game and accompanying tailgate, which, to be fair, sounded awesome: free beer for members of the fan club. And the fan club’s yearly dues? $30. Sign me up! We traded a few stories and supported the team, and I’m looking forward to connecting at the next game, which due to my impending move will regrettably be the last for a while.
Overall, from a soccer and support perspective, it wasn’t much. It lacks the do-or-die passion of our great club, but it still attracts the kind of people I like to hang out with, and who, based on my conversations with them, share some of the same values. I found myself regretting having not gone to a game earlier, difficult though that may have been with career chaos and the pandemic. But between the friendliness of the stand and the promise of a $30 open-bar tailgate, I think I’ll be back!
Support: 3/10*
Fans: 8/10
Price: 1/10
Sport: 3/10
Overall: 5/10. Worth the price of admission, if not the beer/scarf combo. Will return because of the friendly fans.
*Could be artificially low due to absence of significant supporters group